The Good, the Bad and the Ugly of Weight Loss

February 24, 2020

 

Chapter One:  The Good

 

I look in the mirror and can’t believe the person I have become in the past 5 years.  I graduated college, became a yoga teacher, CrossFit coach, gym owner and nutrition coach.  I have lost almost 100 pounds and am in the best shape of my life at 37 years old.  Being the best mom, the best wife I can be.  Like who even am I?

 

I continue to progress with my fitness, and weight loss and I am excited to see where I can go.  I have never been athletic in my life, but I am fully enjoying seeing what my body is capable of.  Especially since I have had to be on own health advocate over these past few years.  With my back injury I was often discouraged by doctors and physical therapists to continue of my fitness journey.  I am glad I fought for better care and advice.

 

I feel good in my own skin for the first time in my life.  I wear tank tops and shorts and I feel comfortable in them.  I remember making up excuses as to why I couldn’t go somewhere just because I didn’t feel good in my own body.  I’m so proud of how strong my body is for the amount of trauma it has been through.  I am talking car accidents, two c-sections and years and years of abuse.  I was a smoker for most of my life, and just to be able to run again without having an asthma attack feels amazing.  I can hold a handstand for like 2 minutes unbroken, and I can still do the splits at 37 YEARS OLD.  

 

I mean…I AM SO PROUD OF MYSELF!

 

I am so passionate about helping others who are on the same journey I am.  I am just so inspired by them and it keeps me motivated.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 Me: 2013                                                         

 

 

 

Chapter Two: The Bad

 

Imposter syndrome is very real.  Even with all my success, all my knowledge and education, I always feel like I am not good enough at CrossFit, or smart enough to educate.  So, I have to shift that mindset before it becomes dark.  Instead of telling myself that I am not good enough, I tell myself that I am always going to be learning and growing in order to be better.  We all should be.  I shift to that “beginners” mindset.    

 

Comparing myself to others has been a struggle.  I watch people come into the gym and I coach them to get their first pull-up, muscle-up or handstand push-up.  Let me say how freaking awesome that is and inspiring, but some of these people have been doing CrossFit for such a short time  and I feel myself comparing my progress to theirs; “I have been doing this for over 5 years and I still don’t have a strict pull-up”.  Oh, the dreaded pull-up.  I AM SO CLOSE, but the struggle is oh so real.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

The problem is I am comparing myself with people who have a completely different athletic background, lifestyle and overall health history than I do.  I can’t compare myself to someone who has played sports their whole lives and has never had children.  

 

I do believe that a little healthy competition is good.  I like to look at the SugarWOD leaderboards and see where I stand for the day.  Usually in the middle.  Sometimes on the top and sometimes on the bottom (running WODS).  

 

However, the only person I am actually competing with is “yesterday” me.  I remind myself that I never set out to be the best.  I am ok with being “World’s Okayest CrossFitter”.  If I keep putting in the work, I will keep seeing the results. 

 

 

 

 

The pressure is stressful.  The pressure to always eat the best.  If I have a donut, I’m being a bad nutrition coach, but if I don’t eat the donut, I’m being a bad everyday human being?  If I don’t comment on the Lizzo controversy I’m being a bad fitness coach, but the truth is, I don’t care what size Lizzo is, I freaking love her.  

 

The pressure to share my journey because I know it has helped people already.  And I really do feel better and believe in CrossFit and nutrition and want everyone to feel better; but I also know that not everyone is into this lifestyle and that’s cool too.  I’m still totally for hanging out and eating burgers and having a beer on the weekend because I have other interests too.  

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter Three: The Ugly

 

I always begin my story in 2014 because that is the year that I started CrossFit, but the truth is I have been on a health journey for most of my life.  I can remember as early as 13 obsessing with food and my body.  I struggled with disordered eating on and off for years and years.  I didn’t have a great diet though, so I would mostly just starve myself for a few weeks and then binge on all the food for a few weeks.  Unfortunately, it is much easier to gain weight than lose it so every time I binged, I gained 10-15 pounds.  It just got out of control until I stopped weighing myself.

 

That has been the hardest part to recover from, the disordered eating and emotional displacement.  There were times throughout my weight loss journey that I have fallen back into old eating patterns or behaviors.  Our life has been kind of chaotic over the past few years.  We decided to open a business while Joe was still in the military; and then transitioning out of the military life has been a test of patience and sanity to say the least.  There were times when I just wasn’t willing to put the effort into my nutrition, and my performance suffered for it.  I wasn’t seeing PR’s and I was feeling fatigued in my workouts.  I really struggled to maintain my weight and it began to affect my mental health.

 

I had a choice to make.  I had to determine what was more important to me and what was better for me.  Obviously beating myself up over what I was doing wasn’t helping me.  Shifting that negative mindset needed to happen if I wanted to get back on track, and that is usually all it takes.  A shift to a positive mindset.  I hear myself, and others talking to ourselves in a manner we wouldn’t even talk to someone we don’t like.  Why?  I should be my favorite person.  You should be your favorite person.  So maybe we should start talking to ourselves like, we actually love ourselves.  

 

AND I AM WORKING ON THAT!  I really am.  For all of the amazing things my body can do now, and how fit I am, and how good I feel, I still have insecurities.  After having two c-sections and losing 100 pounds, you’re not catching me in a bikini anytime soon.  I did buy a pair of FLEO shorts for the first time ever, but I have yet to wear them to the gym.  To be fair today we had burpees and I didn’t want to get my knees all dirty…HAHAHA.  

 

I have some loose skin but to be honest I am ok with it, and I don’t have great track records when it comes to surgeries, so I would rather not risk my life, and have it removed.  I might be overreacting, but I don’t want to die.  That is why I changed my life, haha.    

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So, there are a few of the good, the bad and the uglies of weight loss, but I promise you that the goods far exceed any of the bad.  I am not special.  I am just another person who wanted a better quality of life, so I put in the work.  You just got to be willing to put in the work. 

 

   

Coach Haley

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